last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
