I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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