Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Randomize
