one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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