haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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