its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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