you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
