Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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