Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
only you would photoshop your dick
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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