There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
