Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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