peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
