So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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