Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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