yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
