I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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