A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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