All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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