The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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