I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if only i could text you this smell
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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