I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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