Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
