Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
