ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
