if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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