I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In other news, I just burned my penis
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
