Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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