Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
