You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
