Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
