I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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