You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
