I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
this is an emotional support booty call
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
