I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
