I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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