They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
