Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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