Me. At least after what I've been through.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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