I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
