AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
