She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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