I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
