i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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