I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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