i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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