I want to have your abortion
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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