in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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