the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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