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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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