Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
