Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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