I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
