I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
