I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
