Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
