You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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