She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
